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The 3 Butts…Of Codependency
Obsessions with people
Codependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency, anxieties and deep-seated fears. They can also become preoccupied when they think they’ve made or might make a “mistake.” Sometimes you can slip into fantasy about how you’d like things to be or about someone you love as a way to circumvent the pain of the present. This is one way to stay in denial, but it keeps you from living your life fully.
Dependency on others
Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about them-selves. They’re afraid of being excluded or deserted, even if they can function on their own. Others need to always be in a relationship, because they feel miserable or lonely when they’re by themselves for too long. This characteristic makes it hard for them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They end up feeling imprisoned.
Denial…that it’s all about you!
One of the problems people face in getting help for codependency is that they’re in denial about it, meaning that they don’t confront their problem. Usually they think the problem is someone else or the situation. They either keep carping or trying to fix the other person, or go from one relationship or job to another and never admit the fact that they have a difficulty. Codependents also deny their feelings and needs. Often, they don’t know what they’re feeling and are instead concentrated on what others are feeling. The same thing goes for their wishes. They pay attention to other people’s desires and not their own. They might be in denial of their need for freedom and autonomy. Although some codependents seem needy, others act like they’re self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They won’t reach out and have trouble accepting. They are in denial of their weakness and need for love and intimacy.
Don’t feel bad if that includes you or someone you love. Most families are dys-functional. You’re in the majority!
In my experience backed up by research I’ve found that codependent symptoms get worse if left untreated. The good news is that they’re reversible. For the treatment method I recommend click “Emotional Intelligence Therapy” above.
Notes on Codependency:
Codependency is recognized by compromising someone’s individual needs to be able to try to meet up with the needs of others and is associated with passivity and feelings of pity, low self-worth, or uncertainty. The term codependency was initially created to explain a individual’s dependancy on the obsessive activities of a associate or friend, usually with regards to liquor and medication. Today it is more generally associated with the activities of someone whose activities and ideas center around another individual or factor.
Signs of Codependency
What Causes Codependency?
Psychotherapy for Codependency
Signs of Codependency
Codependency does not represent a diagnosable psychological medical condition, mostly because symptoms and symptoms of codependency are so wide and commonly appropriate. The main symptoms associated with codependency may be people-pleasing activities and the need for the acceptance and acceptance that comes from looking after for and saving others. The codependent individual may also have inadequate limitations, worry being alone or without an romantic associate, and refuse his or her wishes and feelings. Other features of codependency may include:
Perfectionism and a worry of failure
Sensitivity to criticism
Denial of individual problems
Excessive concentrate on the needs of others
Failure to meet up with individual needs
Discomfort with getting attention or help from others
Feelings of shame or liability for the struggling of others
Reluctance to discuss true ideas or feelings for worry of displeasing others
Internalized pity and helplessness
Projection of proficiency and self-reliance
A need to control others
Self-worth depending on caretaking
Feeling undeserving of happiness
Caring for and enabling someone who violations medication or alcohol
While the codependent individual selects to provide care for others, he or she may also dislike those individuals and brand them as “needy.” He or she may experience stuck in the part of care provider, even though that part provides a feeling of significance and an evade from working on individual problems. On the other hand, sometimes codependent individuals declare to enjoy the caregiving part, when actually, they are trying to cover up the point that they are regularly disappointed.
People with codependency may also encounter depressive disorders, serious stress, and/or medication or alcoholism. Habit can create as a way to avoid difficult feelings or to experience a feeling of that belong with a associate who is dependent to liquor or medication.
What Causes Codependency?
Codependency is usually based in child years. A kid who is regularly called upon to meet up with the needs of others will learn to reduce his or her own needs and may become dependent, in a feeling, to stuffing the caregiving part. For example, someone who increased up with a drug-addicted or alcohol mother or father, or who knowledgeable misuse, psychological ignore, or the a cure for the parent-child part (in which the kid is predicted to meet up with the needs of the parent) may create codependent activities, and these styles usually do it again in mature connections.
In addition, heirs of sex-related misuse may never create their own feeling of sex-related identification and fulfillment, always placing the needs of a intimately tricky and managing associate first.
Psychotherapy for Codependency
Psychotherapy can help individuals comprehend why they overcompensate, meet everybody’s needs but their own, or put themselves last. Family members treatment and intellectual behavior treatment are both well designed for dealing with codependency, although any form of treatment is likely to help. A specialist can help a individual recognize codependent propensities, comprehend why the activities were implemented in the first place, and create self-compassion to be able to cure and convert old styles.
Find a Therapist
Codependent individuals can also benefit from conference with colleagues in a group-therapy or support-group establishing. Actually, the assistance team Co-Dependents Unknown (CoDA) was designed in accordance with the Alcoholics Unknown 12-step design. Al-Anon, a team designed to back up the loved ones of alcoholics, is also based on assisting members break their periods of reliance.
Case Example of Codependency
Codependency, treatment, and Al-Anon: Pam encounters serious, light depressive disorders, with a unexpected increase in symptoms. She identifies her live-in partner as the source of her latest psychological recession, confirming that he is psychologically violent and beverages to inebriation every day. Charlene says that she knows they “love each other,” and upon research, reviews that “the whole factor is my mistake.” The specialist identifies codependency and relates Charlene to Al-Anon, which she informs Charlene will help with “dealing with an alcohol associate.” Charlene’s specialist provides Charlene with a lot of opportunity to show her feelings and needs and motivates Charlene to do so, verifying Charlene’s encounter and enabling her independence to cry, have a good laugh, and explain in words her ideas.The specialist helps Charlene check her values about herself, her partner, and connections generally, directing out that Charlene cannot possibly save her partner, and that individuals are accountable for their own activities. Through treatment, Charlene is able to recognize styles of activities and feelings that started in child years, thus beginning the street to restoration.
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